Open for business….

Not sure why I’m doing this, or, come to think of it, why you’re even reading this, but maybe it’s because even though I have this rough, tough, very intimidating outer shell, I’m really a sensitive, touchy-feely kind of guy. Hey, I’m human and when I get cut, I bleed. My life seems to have taken a turn for the worse it seems, but maybe jotting a few things from time to time might help me, or maybe even help you, go through some of life’s rough stuff.

So here I am, exiled in paradise. Well, depends on where you go, or who you ask nowadays. A lot different than what I remembered as a kid. A lot has changed. As far as the family, everyone’s grown up and have moved on with their own lives. Some went to school, some moved to the states, some got married and had a family. Either way, life went on. People lived, weather good or bad.

I always have felt that personally, my life kind of stood still in a way. Don’t feel like I “grew up”. Essentially I ran away from home at a very young age and I started my own life with my own rules. Now, here I am, almost like I was given a second chance. Out on my own, uncertain of where to go or what to do. It wasn’t planned, and believe me, I pretty much kicked and screamed, but, here I am, alone and out in the cold….well, doesn’t really get cold here, but, I think you know what I mean.

Anyway, with that said, I’m still confused. I guess my marriage was good, for a while, but somehow, someway, it recently went south. Crashed and burned. My marriage got very weird and the wife needed, you guessed it, SPACE. Now, that could mean a lot of things (go ahead and speculate) but I digress. So, should I start from the beginning? BORING. Who really cares? Why am I even doing this? Some sort of therapy? I guess. Maybe other people that are experiencing all kinds of nonsense in their lives can relate and maybe find some sort of solace in the fact that they are not alone, or, maybe they want to see what NOT to do and avoid the footsteps of this….sucker.

That’s right. Sucker. That’s exactly how I feel. Gave half of my life for her….for them. I alienated many. And where am I? Serving a sentence that was given to me from who I thought was there “for better or worse”. Right. Vows mean nothing. Especially marriage vows. Just look at society now. What is it? Half of all marriages end in divorce nowadays? So why bother? All it is is a piece of paper, right? It’s all about the vows and commitment you make to that other person. You giving your life to them….just so they can throw it back in your face later, then ask for half of everything. Don’t mean to sound bitter or like I have an axe to grind, but to me, and I’m sure many others, it’s a reality.

As I sit here, feeling somewhat like a prisoner serving his sentence, I can’t help but think about the past, or the future for that matter. Hey, I’m human. At least I think I am. People give you tons of advice or their opinions about certain situations, and they make sense, but like the old saying goes: “easier said than done.”

I’m the one who has to live with this weight on my shoulders. I’m the one who has to deal with the broken heart and soul that is trapped in the misshapen carcass of mine, which is just a reflection of what my life was, or is. At least that’s what one one the many self help books I’ve read told me. Ugh, I hate reading.

There’s so many emotions running through this head of mine, I don’t even know where to start.

Now Playing: “I Know It Hurts” by Alter Bridge

2 thoughts on “Open for business….

  1. you just did… and who knows where you’ll end up? grateful it’s over is my guess, at least in years to come. welcome to the blogosphere : ) – x

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