There’s something I would like to share that I usually don’t with people. So please, hear me out. I am not a religious guy, or one to get on his knees and pray. In fact, I would almost call myself agnostic in my beliefs, although I do not even follow that to the letter. I think MANY people are in the same mindset as me when it comes to that. But I do respect those who are religious and have that belief system.
Well, when I arrived here, on the island of Puerto Rico, I was a shell of a man. Soulless and broken down. I’ll spare all of the details, but most of you who regularly read my writings know the situation pretty much. For those who don’t, basically my family life back home in Chicago took a nasty dive. Unemployed, pretty much broke, and my wife wanted space. I had no where to go, so I ended up here.
So, needless to say, my condition wasn’t very good. Name any negative human emotion. I went through it. Depression, anger, resentment, vengeful thinking, etc. I would lay down at nights and curse everything, and everyone who wronged me. But then there were nights where I was the exact opposite. Tears rolling down my face, sorrowful, full of angst and remorse.
Well, one night I lay down, and of course I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t help but feel this overwhelming sorrow. I felt desperate. I finally just started to speak and ask “if anyone is listening, please, please help me”. Honestly, I wasn’t thinking of a God or Universe, or whatever you call your higher power, I just wanted WHOEVER, WHATEVER to listen. To heed my words and help me.
Soon after, I began to blog. Blogging was a tool that I used to cope with my situation. And it has helped me. And what I find even better, is that it seems to be helping others as well. Others who are going through similar situations, others who have gone through it. Was this the help that I was looking for?
On another occasion, I started to feel a little burned out as far as writing and blogging. I wondered if I should even carry on. there were times where I though no one really cared or listened, so why go through all the trouble? For those who blog, you know what I am talking about. It can be a lot of work, and sometimes there really isn’t much reward.
But one night, again, I lay down an I ask “should I continue with this?”, among other things. Then, I begin receiving messages and comments from people that supported, and even thanked me for doing what I’m doing. Was that ANOTHER answer?
So I continue. Even if it touches, or inspires very little.
One last time, I couldn’t sleep. I just decided to begin taking aloud again. I asked about my situation, the break down of my relationship, and how it was all going to end up. Soon after, I get an email from….you guessed it. Communication began, and is going on currently. Is this an answer to my “prayer”?
“Certain thoughts are prayers. There are moments when, whatever be the attitude of the body, the soul is on its knees”. – Victor Hugo
Now Playing: “Dear God” by XTC