‘Cause I want to fight…

When we go through life, of course bad things happen. I know in my life currently, I have issues that I would rather not deal with, but, I have to. And to be quite honest, I kind of WANT to deal with the issues head on, so I can move on with my life.

Of course, there were times where I just wanted to give up. Just throw my hands up and just give in. I know everyone gets that way form time to time. But I never completely have given up. You got to have some hope, and be willing to fight.

We should be willing to fight for what we want, fight for what we believe in, fight for the life we want. Just laying down or giving up shouldn’t be an option. It’s true, life can beat the hell out of you sometimes, but we have to hold on. What other alternative do we have?

So, lets’s pick ourselves up and fight for what we want. Screw the negativity and try to stay positive in all aspects of your life. Life’s too short, and you don’t know when it’s your time to go. We have to make the most of it. And I don’t know about you, but I would rather fight for what I want, and for the life I want, instead of forfeiting and being stuck in the same situation over and over again…

“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed”. – Vincent Van Gogh

Now Playing: “Forfeit” by Chevelle

I watched you change…

In life it’s easy to point the finger and blame other people for things. I would consider myself a pretty straight forward individual, and try to be as honest as I can with people, including myself. So it was a bit of an epiphany when I looked in the mirror one day and just told myself to knock it off. Forget all that negative stuff, learn from your mistakes, and live your life. Stop thinking about other people and worry about yourself.

But for some people that seems to be some sort of addiction. They can never own up to anything, or they always have that “why me” attitude. It’s always someone elses fault.  Sometimes you have to look in the mirror.

There have been times, (present time included) where I just asked “why” or “why me”. Now, it doesn’t happen all the time, but it happens. So what do I do? What do we do? Wallow in the muck that is self pitty, or take a good look in that mirror and see what WE have done or didn’t do. How we lived our lives, how we’re going to fix things, including ourselves for the better.

So why play the blame game? We all make mistakes, go through rough patches, and fail once in a while. I’m paraphrasing here, but it’s not how many times you fall down, it’s how many times you get back up. Stop blaming other people and worry about yourself, because let’s face it, the only one living your life is you.

A man can fail many times, but he isn’t a failure until he begins to blame somebody else – John Burroughs

Now Playing: “Change” by Deftones

And now we’re left with broken promises…

Things don’t always go your way, That’s part of life. I know, it’s not something you want to think about, but it’s true. There are also times where you have to deal with things that you necessarily don’t want to, but have to. That’s also a part of life. Can’t really get around it, but if you found a way, it can hurt you later on.

In relationships it’s no different. In my case, I think at first I was trying to force someone else to see things my way, but it wasn’t working. So I realized that I had to back off, which I did, and take a kinder, gentler approach because I loved her and wanted to work things out. But, the flip side of that is that there was no desire for listening, compromise, or want for resolution, which can be poison to a relationship, and to the soul.

All I wanted was for things to be “normal”, just wanted things to be the way they used to be, that’s all. Was that too much to ask? Yes, times were tough, but isn’t it for better or for worse? Maybe I’m just old school, I don’t know. But If you truly love someone, you make it work no matter what, especially if you vowed to do so. If not, what does that make you?

Either way, life is full of situations we can’t control. I realize that, and SLOWLY starting to accept it. It hurts sometimes, but it’s something I have to deal with. Have to learn to live in the now. Tomorrow doesn’t exist….

“Life is too short to wake up in the morning with regrets. So love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who don’t, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance, take it. If it changes your life, let it. Nobody said that it’d be easy, they just promised it would be worth it.”- Unknown

Now Playing: “Broken Promises” by Element Eighty

You threw it all away…

The routine was becoming the same everyday. Being ignored, emotionally abandoned, and apparently a victim of deception. This is how it ends? This is how you want to handle it? Just throw everything away? Well, that’s exactly what happened. And from looking from the outside in, something that appears to have been a collaborative effort. I hate to play the martyr or the victim, but hey, I was even told that SHE would take all of the blame, and that all of it was her fault. Damn right.Trust and a loving heart was broken beyond recognition. My heart wasn’t broken, it was SMASHED. Where do you go from there?

You know, it’s torture when you go through some sort of break up, separation, whatever. And no matter how hard you try, you can’t get it out of your head. Always rationalizing, going through different scenarios in your mind like what you did, what you said, what you should have said, what you’re going to say. That’s currently the case with me, although it has calmed down a bit. I even had a dream about my situation before I woke up this morning, and that’s nothing new. So I’m not out of the woods yet.

So, even though I’m still hurting, and feeling this roller coaster of emotions, I still need to remember one day at a time, one step at a time. Got to remember the things I’m learning on the way. Pay attention to my surroundings, because sometimes that’s where you find answers. Overhearing a conversations, something on tv, or even a song you’re listening to on your MP3 player. And you never know, maybe all the heartache and suffing is for the better.

“If you are going through hell, keep going.” – Winston Churchill

Now Playing: “Pushed Aside” by Lo-Pro

They need you buried deep….

Can’t help but feel that I have been betrayed, blackballed, sold out, back-stabbed, screwed, whatever term you want to use. Ever feel that way? Just shut out, left in the cold with no explanation left to wander in the wilderness that’s in your head. And for me, that can be a scary place. Not to mention that it sucks especially if you got nowhere to go. It can be a living hell. And it also amazes me how you think you know someone, especially for a long time, and really you don’t know them at all. Just goes to show you that love is blind……and stupid.

Being emotionally abandoned and deceived by the one who supposedly loved me, now I have my doubts about that and other things. And to twist the knife even further, and making the wound worse, is the other members of the family are also acting with indifference and have adopted the attitude of abandonment as well. To all of them it’s out of sight, out of mind. Just ignore it, and it will go away.

So what is one to do? Plot revenge? Take the lower road and stoop to their level? Don’t think so. Have I thought about it? Hell yes. But I remembered something I read a while ago:

“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.” — Chuck Palahniuk

I know, I know, easier said than done. But it can be done. Does it take time? Sure. I still go through hell sometimes. The situation is still pretty fresh  But, gotta keep moving. We gotta keep moving.

Let fate, karma, whatever, take care of the rest….

Now Playing: “The Pretender” by Foo Fighters

Just one of those days….

It was March 28th when the issue of “space” began. Didn’t really know how to take it at the time, well I sort of did, but needless to say it was a bit of a shock. Fast forward to now, and here I am, in what most people would consider a paradise, or a premium vacation spot. I WISH I was on vacation, believe me.

Life is just like a roller coaster ride. Ups and downs, twist and turns. Yeah, somedays it’s like that Limp Bizkit song “Break Stuff” , but what do we do? Gotta strap ourselves in and hang on. Some of us don’t even get on the roller coaster because of fear. Don’t want to get up, get on the ride or experience life in any way, shape or form, letting it slip away. How many people are like that? One day look in the mirror and ask themselves where time went, or start with the woulda, coulda, shoulda’s?  Or in other words, you miss out. Recently, I found myself being, ahem, at a reasonably young age, becoming “that guy”, and trust me when I tell you, I DON’T want that.

Hopefully I’m making some sort of sense. It makes sense in this head of mine. I guess the point is yes, there are ups and downs, but the ride should be enjoyable. It should give you a rush and a want, or NEED to go again. Fear has to be taken out. Here’s a quote I ran across:

“It is not death that a man should fear, but he should fear never beginning to live.” – Marcus Aurelius

We need to LIVE. I need to live. Live and learn…

Now Playing: “Live Again” by Sevendust