Nothing like a big bad bridge to go burning through…

20150117_120937

Sleepless nights, dark and quiet. Feeling of surrealness surrounding me. Even upright, trying to live life I feel this way most of the times. Life continues, but I always feel like I am stuck in a rut. Can’t be me, right? It’s got to be the laundry list of other issues I’m having. So weak, the spirit broken, body neglected. But I hold on…

I try. I try to better myself, but I’m so bad at it. Why? I just need to shed the weight that literally, and mentally, hold me down. I know what I need to do, but why can’t I?

I guess all we need to do is just keep trying. One day at a time. I keep trying to burn certain bridges, but unsuccessful. Someday it will stick. It has to. There is so much life to live to the fullest. To be happy, to be at peace. Got to let go……

Holding on is believing that there’s a past; letting go is knowing that there’s a future.
— Daphne Rose Kingma

 

Now Playing:  Lorn – Acid Rain

 

I have to carry the cross

IMG_0919

I’d say that I’m some sort of purgatory. At least that’s how I feel. I have started moving on, but I also have this strange feeling inside that I can’t necessarily express or explain . I know soon after her passing, along with the other emotions, I felt as if there was a weight, or cross, placed on my shoulders. I had a life that i shared with someone, and now I was left to figure out what needed to done to prepare, continue, and live life as normal as a widow or single guy.

We all have crosses to bear, but its’s how we deal with it. The better we deal with it, the lighter the burden becomes. Eventually, we conquer it and it makes us stronger. Life does move on after death, hard times, etc. We move or we suffer. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not suffer or be miserable. So I try.

I battle everyday with numerous issues. We all do. Sometimes we don’t see any relief in site, but it’s there somewhere. One day at a time is all we can really do. The journey has been long, full of joys and sorrows, but my journey continues and is being written daily….

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief – But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”– Hilary Stanton Zunin

Now Playing: Priest – The Cross