I just want to start things over…

Many times I have wondered what if. Many times I have gone through things in my mind and let doubt, fear, and regret creep in. And also there were many times that I have just said that I wish I could start over, or get a second chance. I don’t think I’m alone when I say that there are a TON of things I would like to do over.

Well, you know what? You only get one life, and that life is short. Too short for what ifs, regrets, and dwelling in the past. I believe that we do get second chances in life, even though sometimes you have to wait for them, but it is our responsibility HOW we live our lives, no matter what the situation is, good or bad.

Another thing is to trust yourself and stay strong. Don’t let doubt or fear get into your head. Sometimes we can be our own worst enemy. I am guilty of that. I’ve let fear, doubt, and regret enter my mind MANY times, and all that does is stop you. Become unstoppable. We have to learn to say enough is enough and live even though we, or life isn’t perfect.

“It is better to conquer yourself than to win a thousand battles. Then the victory is yours. It cannot be taken from you, not by angels or by demons, heaven or hell”. – Buddha

Now Playing: “Sober” by Tool

But life gets in the way…

We all have plans in life, or ways we want things to go. Sometimes they work out, sometimes they don’t. I planned on staying with my wife forever and look what happened. I also had a lot of dreams and aspirations that have gone by the wayside. Now at times, you can blame yourself, but life also gets in the way.

I’ve often asked myself what happened. Why did my life turn out the way it did. Why I wasted so many opportunities and talents. I also wonder what life would be like if I had been more disciplined or had more encouragement to follow my goals or dreams. Would I be in a different place right now? Who knows. They say things always happen for a reason, but there are times where it doesn’t really make sense.

Life can be very complicated, or be LESS complicated. Ultimately I think it is up to the individual which route they want to take. I know in my life I’ve always tried to stay humble, be a good person. Yet things sometimes just happened. Let’s face it, bad things happen to good people. Some things we can’t control. Plus, we have to look at certain obstacles and situations as building blocks, or lessons in order for us to learn, grow, and continue.

So, ask yourself, do you want to make life easier, or harder on yourself? No, it isn’t easy, and even taking the “less complicated” route in life can give you trouble, but key is to keep changing and moving. Do you stay down when you fall, or do you pick yourself back up and continue forward?

“To exist is to change, to change is to mature, to mature is to go on creating oneself endlessly”. – Henri L. Bergson

Now Playing: “Walk Away” by Epidemic

Less I have the more I gain…

In life sometimes you just have to look at whatever situation arises and just say, well, forget it. Sometimes there really isn’t anything you can do. So you have to cut your losses. Does it mean you give up? I don’t think so. Just means you’re ready to move on.

True, one should stay proactive when it comes to life situations, but another thing we need to realize is that things can’t be forced. If things happen for a reason, why do people think that they can control certain situations or problems? If things happen for a reason, there has to be an external force making it happen, no?

Sometimes by holding on or holding back we really are doing ourselves a disservice. How can we accept what is waiting for us if we are stuck or clinging to something that isn’t really helping us. So take the step and adapt to the unknown, because you won’t know what’s good is waiting for you if you don’t sever those ties clean.

“Some of us think holding on makes us strong, but sometimes it is letting go.” — Herman Hesse

Now Playing: “Wherever I May Roam” by Metallica

‘Cause I want to fight…

When we go through life, of course bad things happen. I know in my life currently, I have issues that I would rather not deal with, but, I have to. And to be quite honest, I kind of WANT to deal with the issues head on, so I can move on with my life.

Of course, there were times where I just wanted to give up. Just throw my hands up and just give in. I know everyone gets that way form time to time. But I never completely have given up. You got to have some hope, and be willing to fight.

We should be willing to fight for what we want, fight for what we believe in, fight for the life we want. Just laying down or giving up shouldn’t be an option. It’s true, life can beat the hell out of you sometimes, but we have to hold on. What other alternative do we have?

So, lets’s pick ourselves up and fight for what we want. Screw the negativity and try to stay positive in all aspects of your life. Life’s too short, and you don’t know when it’s your time to go. We have to make the most of it. And I don’t know about you, but I would rather fight for what I want, and for the life I want, instead of forfeiting and being stuck in the same situation over and over again…

“As we advance in life it becomes more and more difficult, but in fighting the difficulties the inmost strength of the heart is developed”. – Vincent Van Gogh

Now Playing: “Forfeit” by Chevelle

Learn from our mistakes…

You know, something I’ve noticed in a few posts is that I rarely talk about my personal situation. Not that I don’t touch on it from time to time, or I don’t think about it, but it kind of shows me that I am in the beginning process of acceptance and moving on. Like I mentioned in a previous post, one day I just told myself not to be a wimp (not exactly those words. but you get the point), but I also said that I wasn’t out of the woods yet either.

I am truly ready to get back to Chicago and just begin the rest of the process, accepting that life is going to be the way it is at the current moment. No work, separated from my wife, no place of my own to stay, etc, etc. But notice I said “life is going to be the way it is at the current moment”. That means there is room for change and growth, and for life to be better, and that’s my intent. Just because things aren’t the greatest now, doesn’t mean they are ALWAYS going to be that way. They can stay the same way if YOU let them.

Main thing is not to ignore the life lessons that you come across, especially during rough times. And if you’ve made mistakes, take whatever actions necessary to right them. Life doesn’t stay the same, it can’t. Life is constantly moving, changing, and it’s not going to wait for anyone.

So make whatever changes necessary. Adapt to your new life (key words new life) keeping it on a positive note. Remember, negativity attracts negativity, positivity, well, you know the rest….

“It is the highest form of self-respect to admit our errors and mistakes and make amends for them. To make a mistake is only an error in judgment, but to adhere to it when it is discovered shows infirmity of character.” – Dale E. Turner

Now Playing: “Learn From This Mistake” by Down

They need you buried deep….

Can’t help but feel that I have been betrayed, blackballed, sold out, back-stabbed, screwed, whatever term you want to use. Ever feel that way? Just shut out, left in the cold with no explanation left to wander in the wilderness that’s in your head. And for me, that can be a scary place. Not to mention that it sucks especially if you got nowhere to go. It can be a living hell. And it also amazes me how you think you know someone, especially for a long time, and really you don’t know them at all. Just goes to show you that love is blind……and stupid.

Being emotionally abandoned and deceived by the one who supposedly loved me, now I have my doubts about that and other things. And to twist the knife even further, and making the wound worse, is the other members of the family are also acting with indifference and have adopted the attitude of abandonment as well. To all of them it’s out of sight, out of mind. Just ignore it, and it will go away.

So what is one to do? Plot revenge? Take the lower road and stoop to their level? Don’t think so. Have I thought about it? Hell yes. But I remembered something I read a while ago:

“That’s the best revenge of all: happiness. Nothing drives people crazier than seeing someone have a good fucking life.” — Chuck Palahniuk

I know, I know, easier said than done. But it can be done. Does it take time? Sure. I still go through hell sometimes. The situation is still pretty fresh  But, gotta keep moving. We gotta keep moving.

Let fate, karma, whatever, take care of the rest….

Now Playing: “The Pretender” by Foo Fighters