I have to carry the cross

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I’d say that I’m some sort of purgatory. At least that’s how I feel. I have started moving on, but I also have this strange feeling inside that I can’t necessarily express or explain . I know soon after her passing, along with the other emotions, I felt as if there was a weight, or cross, placed on my shoulders. I had a life that i shared with someone, and now I was left to figure out what needed to done to prepare, continue, and live life as normal as a widow or single guy.

We all have crosses to bear, but its’s how we deal with it. The better we deal with it, the lighter the burden becomes. Eventually, we conquer it and it makes us stronger. Life does move on after death, hard times, etc. We move or we suffer. And I don’t know about you, but I’d rather not suffer or be miserable. So I try.

I battle everyday with numerous issues. We all do. Sometimes we don’t see any relief in site, but it’s there somewhere. One day at a time is all we can really do. The journey has been long, full of joys and sorrows, but my journey continues and is being written daily….

“The risk of love is loss, and the price of loss is grief – But the pain of grief is only a shadow when compared with the pain of never risking love.”– Hilary Stanton Zunin

Now Playing: Priest – The Cross

 

 

Yeah, it feels like The world has grown cold.

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There isn’t a day that I don’t think about her. Everyday I contemplate, I wish, I regret. Here a broken man, confused, lost, not knowing where to go next. The glimpses of progression shine through once and a while, but become eclipsed. What do I do? Where do I go from here? I know I need to move on, but how? It’s as if I’m haunted and tormented, not only by the memories of recent events, but I feel tortuous fire inside at times. Time has passed, and I have started to move on, but I feel there is a ways to go.

How to deal? One day at a time, I suppose. Life has twists and turns, things happen, sometimes self inflicted, sometimes not. But we need to deal or we die.  I heard a saying recently that really spoke to me. It also can be interpreted a couple ways. It is “Progression, not Perfection”. So true.

So family, life’s not perfect. But progression is key. Will you stumble, lose hope, want to give up? Yes, of course. We are all human. But remember, it’s not how many times you fall, it’s how many times you get back up. Be well…..

“Grief is in two parts. The first is loss. The second is the remaking of life”. – Anne Roiphe

Now Playing: Five Finger Death Punch – Gone Away

 

 

 

I convinced myself that I was Invincible…

file2541264468046  So it’s been a while since I posted on this blog. The blog was named “The Ballad of Joey Flowers”, I started it as a way to deal with the separation from my wife. Long story short, all was resolved, I moved back home, and then just picked up where we left off.

Shortly after, my wife became VERY ill, but fought through it. Life was good again. Was it perfect? No. Who’s life is? We continued on and my wife even started her own business.

A little over a year ago, she fell ill once again. This time was even worse than the first time. Stage 4 cancer. Too late to do anything. Doctors and nurses would pull me to the side and give me “the talk”. Then finally, on November 13th, 2016 she passed away in my arms. Was a long journey, but here it ended…..or did it?

Now this story is very abbreviated, and not meant to sadden, or make you feel bad, but needless to say, I’ve been through a lot since I stopped blogging. But here I am, expressing my heart and soul again.

So, again I will use this medium to help myself, and possibly help others. But like I have stated before in the past, I plan on going off topic from time to time, share things that I find interesting, music, movies, games, anything that helps us deal, cope, or just forget about the serious stuff for a while. And please, feel free to share your stories, your favorite things, your ways of getting through life.

Thanks, and welcome to Resound and Rebel.

“Sometimes the hardest part isn’t letting go but rather learning to start over.”
– Nicole Sobon

Now Playing: Twelve Foot Ninja – “Invincible”

 

 

 

I turn the world around…

I know it’s been a while since I have posted anything here on the site, but, here I am. Alive and well. Well, as well as I am going to be for the moment. No, things are good (all things considered), but getting reintroduced to my form of civilization has been a little bit of a process. Alot has gone on, and will continue to do so, but, things are looking up.

The old self would have probably exploded, or have just given up by now, but I said old self. Gone are those days. Sure, I’m still working on things, but everyone should strive to be better, EVERYDAY, not just when it’s convenient, or when “things go wrong”. Do I still get stressed? Sure. I won’t lie. But the key is in how you handle the stress and how you look at all things looking for the positives, and for the lesson to be learned by your experiences.

So, mending a broken relationship, dealing with the joblessness and other related issues back here in the good ‘ol US of A, I still believe that in the end, it will all be better than it was before. And that’s what you, and everyone else should feel. Use the events in your life as stepping stones. Experience, learn, grow. What other alternatives are there? Be human. Be well…

“A man does what he must – in spite of personal consequences, in spite of obstacles and dangers and pressures – and that is the basis of all human morality.” – Winston Churchill

Now Playing: “More Human Than Human” by Rob Zombie

What do you do?

Well, so far, so good. However, like I’ve stated before, it’s a new beginning. In a sense, it’s “starting over”. There is a familiarity to all of it, but at the same time, there are adjustments to be made, and “re-learning”. Certainly things are different, and a few hurdles to get over, but, one thing at a time, one day at a time.

There are things currently going on that are not ideal, like still no job, and now problems with my car, but I am looking at the positives of it all, and not letting it get to me. So far, I believe that things have been falling into place and working out, and I am not going to abandon the new mindset and way of thinking. Does being inconvenienced suck? I won’t lie, it does, but what options do I have? The old way of thinking is NOT one of them.

We all have the power, the choice to make when it comes to certain things in life, and how we deal with them. It’s as if we get to a fork in the road. Which way are you going to go? You can choose to complain, whine, get angry, or you can take the negative, deal, and turn it into a positive. I really am done with the old way of thinking, it’s a road to nowhere….

“The first rule is to keep an untoubled spirit. The second is to look things in the face and know them for what they are. If you are pained by external things, it is not they that disturb you, but your own judgement of them. And it is in your power to wipe out that judgment now. Think of what you have rather than of what you lack. Of the things you have, select the best and then reflect how eagerly you would have sought them if you did not have them” – Marcus Aurelius

Now Playing: “What Do You Do?” by the Rollins Band

Don’t worry about a thing, cause every little thing gonna be all right…

When things got rough for me, there were times where I thought life was just a HUGE joke, and not worth the effort. I’m sure most, if not all of you share the same feeling. But, pain and hurt are only temporary. It is us who prolong it.

Things always change and evolve, one way or the other. When things aren’t ideal, you have to believe that the hardship is only temporary, and WILL get better. We have to believe that. We have to help make it happen.

The only thing we should worry about, is how our lives will be better. How our lives will improve after we overcome whatever obstacle throws itself in front of us. Things usually have a way of working out, if we don’t get in the way….

“Everything will be okay in the end. if it’s not okay, it’s not the end.” – Uknown Author

Now Playing: “Everything’s Gonna Be Alright” by Bob Marley